A very European valentine
Based upon extensive anecdotal evidence, the JOAS as created a new model of migratory patterns based on a simple premise, women are prettier in eastern Europe than in western Europe and men are prettier in western Europe than in eastern Europe.
This beauty differential is then seen interpreted through the lens of a simple, but effective, mating model: only individuals of equal beauty will accept to mate.
As there is an imbalance of equally attractive individuals in each half of Europe, mating does not happen as often, thus general welfare is minimized.
To put it colloquially: each pan has its lid, but intra-national imbalances mean some lids and pan cannot match.
Our solution is simple, free movement across Europe. In order for lids and pan of every shape can come together at once.
Titanic data reveal that money might be heavier than water
A recent Titanic passenger data analysis conducted by The Journal of Anecdotal Science yielded results that is bound to frighten some capitalists.
Indeed, a regression analysis showed that the link in between the price of one’s ticket and one’s chance of drowning was noticeably strong.
A first hypothesis was quickly disproved, that wealthier people tend to be older. Considering no correlation exists in the data between a passenger’s age and his chance of drowning.
Then what could have caused death to be so biased? The journal of Anecdotal Science’s current working theory is that the titanic sunk head-first, where the first-class cabins where located. Yet considering it took 2hours for water to reach these quarters, other factors might be at play.
Better Out Than In?
In a report released out of the UK, holding in a sneeze has been found to cause severe damage to the respiratory and musculoskeletal systems. A man, aged 34, pinched his nose to save himself from the embarrassment of a sneeze in public, and in doing so collapsed one of his lungs, and dislocated neck vertebrae-creating the inability to breath properly or swallow. While doctors were keen to point out this is an extreme case, they want the public to know this is the result. Social etiquette be damned, sneezing improperly can cause real long-term damage to the body.
Injuries from these forced inward sneezes have resulted in severe lung infections, cracked ribs, damaged vertebrae – potentially paralysis, and dependency on feeding tubes. If the innocent sneeze is so dangerous, what about the cough? Hiccup? Belch? Our bodies are trying to kill us.
This is a public service announcement: carry tissues, and practice safe sneezing; together we can prevent sneeze related trauma and death.
by Alan Row and Jared Ebner